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The Fuck Off Man
Keep the home fires burning
I'm back at the parentals, going through a load of old stuff to see what my mum can take to a car boot (answer: all of it*) and thought I'd stick a quick update on my original blog. You're not forgotten, old friend, and when I have internet access sorted you'll be restored to your past former glories. *Anyone want to buy some old videos? 50p each.
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Time is on my side
Actually, it so isn't. Apparently moving in with your girlfirend takes up an awful lot of time and effort (I have a frankly worrying pile of shoes, for example, isn't that supposed to be a girl thing?), and some things are gonna keep getting put off. Like tidying up your blog after a major platform move. Since blogging like a fiend for most of 2005, 20six is blocked at work, and I've simply got too much to do out of work to be sat in front of the PC all evening. I'm not, repeat not, giving up on my 20six blog - I've put in two years and I ain't getting out now. I'm not scared of a little bit of HTML, especially when there's wonderfully helpful people like Katja around. But I do need time to learn what the fuck is going on put the tools to use, and I just don't have that right now. My alternate blog (http://www.platform27.co.uk/Booger) is accessable at work, so I'll use that for odd updates and to slate various shite Z-list celebs. And in a month or so when our internet connection is up and running, I'll get back here and start tarting this up.
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Just between you and me...
... I quite like the changes. I woke up today with a blog that looks significantly more sophisticated than it did yesterday, and I didn't even do anything to it. I'm plesantly surprised.
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MOD
Especially requested by Loot, it gives me great pleasure to bellow a throat-shredding, nerve-jangling, buttock-clenching FUCK OFF! to civil servants - especially those civil servants working for the Ministry of Defence.
Do you understand your job title? Civil servants. That means you SERVE CIVILIANS. You're not called Civil Awkward Makers, are you? Fuckers. Fuck off!
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EastEnders writers
FUCK OFF! The image of Fat Pat wearing nothing but a fur coat, a silly grin and her ludicrous earrings will haunt me for months. No, no, no, no, no! Cease and desist, you are no longer allowed to continue this storyline. Nevermind bird flu or Nova virus, watching this shit poses a far greater health risk.
Fuck off, EastEnders. Fuck right off!
Retch.
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Fact of the day
In 1995 there was one weekly celebrity gossip magazine on sale in the UK; there are now nine. Their combined readership is over eight million women a week.
Chaucer, Milton, Shakespeare, Keats, Betjeman.
OK, Hello!, Reveal, Heat, Now.
Depressing, huh?
How about a big, throaty, bollock-quivering FUCK OFF! to celebrity gossip?
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Bastard Cunts
The first Fuck Off Man for a while, and it goes out to another shit pop cover of a great song - Freefaller (whoever the fuck they are) have covered Basket Case by Green Day.
Prepare yourself for the most gutsy, bollock-shaking Fuck Off in the history this page:
FUCK OFFFFF! YOU FUCKING BLEACH BLOND, SUB-BUSTED FUCKING CUNTBAGS! FUCK OFFFFF!
This is so much worse than McFuck covering My Generation - that song's been fucked with so much I'm resigned to shit cover versions. But Basket Case is a song that's special to thousands of people and you, you fucking Freefaller fucks, have decided to savagely butt fuck all the life out of it. This is made all the more irritating by the fact that your version is EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME as Green Day's. How the fuckitty fuck can you do something exactly the same and have it turn out so fucking wrong, so fucking average? Don't you have any fucking imagination? You fucking soulless cunts. I tried listening to the Green Day version this morning and all I could hear was you.
For anyone who doesn't know, this is Freefaller:
Now I was going to say something about being in nappies when Basket Case was released, but that's gone out the window because these fucking chimps are even older than me! Jesus wept, it's almost excusable when stupid little kids fuck up a classic - grown men should fucking know better.
Right now I'm the Wicked Witch of the West and you people reading this are my army of flying monkeys. Now fly my pretties; find fucking Freefaller, pull their fucking arms off and beat them to death with the soggy ends. Then piss on them.
If you need any greater incentive, here is one of Freefaller with the Crazy-fucking-Frog:
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