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(Don't) smoke 'em if you got 'em
A little perspective
Hi, ex-smoker of seven months speaking here. I've gone past the phase where I miss it, and entered the phase where I notice the stink when I come home from the pub. I should be pretty happy this morning, but I'm really not.
How come convicted convicts can smoke at will, yet honest, hard wroking Joe Schmoes can't have a smoke in the pub? That ain't right.
Oh, and those politicians who made the decision for us? They can smoke whenever they like - the Houses of Parliament are classed as a palace.
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Wetherspoon's pre-emptive strike bites them in the arse
I've been an ex-smoker now for over two months, and its one of the best things I've done; I feel healthier, I can actually run further than ten paces without puking up a lung, I don't smell. But... I'm delighted that I haven't become a preachy ex-smoker. I still love you smoky people, you smell like heaven. I hope you never ever leave the pubs and have to stand on the pavement.
And guess what, it looks like you won't have to. Six months ago I told you about a dark little plan hatched by one of our national papers and one of the major chain pubs. Ex-smoker or not, I still stand by what I said in March: that whole report was nothing but propaganda. That's the thing with propaganda though, it can blow up in your face. Today I read a tiny report (ONE paragraph) in that very same paper about that very same chain pub. Here it is:
-PUB chain JD Wetherspoon, which announced a 15 per cent drop in profits, said yesterday that yob culture had put people off drinking in city centres. It also blamed the fall on banning smoking in 36 of its 655 pubs.
You could cut it down even further if you wanted, to look like this:
PUB chain JD Wetherspoons, which announced a 15 per cent drop in profits, blamed the fall on banning smoke in 36 of its 655 pubs.
Well, well, well. Wellity, wellity. Expect a quiet U-turn by Wetherspoons sometime in the next financial quarter, and don't expect a blanket ban any time soon. Smoke away, my unhealthy brethren. It seems our economy depends on you.
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Smoking "not all bad" shocker!
I've often said that I think I've got ADHD or Tourettes. Somedays I feel like fucking Taz crossed with Captain Caveman crossed with that mad tramp that sits on the Tube dribbling and swearing.
Thing is, now I've packed up the fags I know I've got ADHD, its just smoking was keeping it repressed. That's the only explaination for my gleefully abusive behaviour at work. Typical exchange:
Boss: Until you can multi-task Booger, you won't know how busy my day gets.
Booger: I wouldn't call gossiping and nagging at the same time 'multi-tasking'.
So yeah, fags are good. Give evil hyperactive problem kids a nice, calming Marlboro now and again. I bet they'd learn more.
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Relapse
On Saturday night I smoked. I was squiffy and stupid, and I'd sparked it before I knew it. And while it didn't taste filthy like I'd been assured it would, I didn't want another one. Unfortunately this relapse cost me a £20 bet with my brother. Shit.
Off on a tangent, it appears that this section of my blog has google ads for workplace violence. Class.
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The last hurdle... Or is it the first?
Last night I went out on the sauce. Big time. I didn't smoke once, which is a pretty huge achievement. There's one problem though, and that's also pretty huge. I'm a total tosser without fags. I'm a horrible drunk when I'm not wrapped up in Nicotine's silky embrace. I don't want to start up again, but I don't want to keep being a bastard. So what the fuck happens now?
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Replacement leads to progress
Since jacking in the weed I have taken to drinking lots of coffee while at work, probably half a dozen cups a day. This has obviously resulted in me being a little twitchy, a little wired and more than a little snappy with Idiot Colleague and Other Idiot Collegue.
However, despite the fact they are both bleating at me like lambs that're about to be turned into chops, I do not want nor need a cigarette.
Which is splendid, all things considered.
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A week dammit, a whole week!
The last time I went this long without a cigarette was seven years ago. I haven't really wanted a fag all weekend, even when I was in the pub. I'm feeling pretty fucking good, even considering the horrible withdrawal symptoms - insomnia and nightmares like you wouldn't believe - all weekend.
It's a bit scary just how violently your body reacts when you quit; the Better Half has developed a hacking cough and a singing voice like Barry White, and this is after she's quit. I found out that giving up smoking can actually cause constipation... HOW?!
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